What we have here is a failure to communicate ….

Do whining and complaining constitute communication? In my world they do. I mean, I “talk” to God all the time. I “ask” God for direction all the time. It goes a little something like this.

Me:  Whhhhyyyyy do I have to do this???? But, don’t waaana. Pleeeeeeeease don’t make me. Can’t I do something else?

God: My child, do you trust me?

Me: Uh huh.

God: Do you trust that I love you and can ONLY do the very best for you?

Me: Uh huh.

God: Good. Then, go. Do what I’ve asked.

Me: Bbbbuuutt … What if it doesn’t work out like I want?

God: Like you want?

Me: Uh huh.

God: I ask you again … Do you trust that I love you and can ONLY do the very best for you?

Me: (in thought) If I trust Him in the little things, He will entrust me with more and he has never left me or forsaken me. Why do I question Him now?

Me: Then Lord, I need YOU to help me do this. Take my fears and replace them with full surrender to your Lordship over my whole life, my whole being …all of me.

God: My child, you have asked and you shall receive, but, you must trust me. I will only show you a little at a time. I want a relationship with you. I love you and want to talk to you every day. I want to fill you every day with a renewed spirit and mind. I will hold your hand as you follow me step by step. You will only know the details I think you should know when I think you should know them. Are you ready?

Me: I am ready.

God wants me to grow in my faith, in my surrender and in my willingness to build a love relationship with Him. He will communicate with me even if I’m whining, complaining or resistant. He is my Father and like any loving Father, He will guide my every step, if I will let him.

Communicate with God today – He eagerly stands and waits, ready to show you where’s he’s working and how you can be a part of it.

forgiveness challenged

Can I forgive? Truly forgive?

Am I forgiven? Fully forgiven?

Is it forgotten? Have I forgotten?

With whom do I wrestle? Is it out there or in here? Or both?

Can I rise to the challenge of receiving forgiveness and then paying it forward …

Over and Over …

My answers are:

Alone I spew the venom of selfishness and pride, fighting to be right and heard.

With God, pride’s chains are loosed.

Alone, I wrestle and war against my own flesh.

With God, I lay still in His grace.

Alone, I lose …every time.

With God, losing is gain.

Alone, the pit envelops me.

With God, the pit has a door.

Alone, I strive.

With God, the work is finished.

Alone, I am nothing.

With God, I am all that He created me to be.

Alone, forgiveness is my challenge.

With God, it is renewed.

This day … be forgiven, eternally forgiven…and forgive, fully. Find freedom in forgiveness.

Enemy No More

He hurt me. She broke my trust. They lied.

My pain. My Hurt. My broken heart . My warfare. The thorn in my side. My grotesqueness. My fault? Caught up in Me …Why am I so bound by something so small? Why can I only see through the narrow view of “Me?”

How does God see me? More importantly, how does He see my enemies and those who hurt me? Do I really want to know?

He sees us through the same eyes…The eyes of Love and Forgiveness.

Someone I loved dearly hurt me deeply. And for a year and a half, I’ve gripped  that pain like a security blanket. I feared letting it go.

It warms me.  Comforts me.  Excuses me. Justifies my attitudes.

I’ve been holding it high – carrying it strong. Relying on its flames to fuel my bitterness, rage and wayward actions.

This past weekend God snatched it from me. Just like that. Like a thief in the night, He took it.

No warning.

No discussion.

No negotiation.

Gone.

I carry it no more.  I’m blind. My eyes are wide shut to the hurt and the pain.  I can only see this person through His eyes now.

Forgiveness and Love are my new lenses and for the first time in a long time, my vision is clear.

Oh My Stubborn Soul

I tried to get up but I couldn’t. I could hear my daughter calling, “Mom! Mom!” But I just could not move.

My body ached like never before and I thought to myself, “When is that Motrin gonna kick in?” I cannot just lay in bed all day – flu or no flu. I have people to take care of, laundry to wash, work to do, places to go. But, nope, no go. My body relented and forced me to stay curled up in the fetal position, praying for relief.

I’ve never been this sick.  I have had many colds and fought them valiantly, popping cold pills every four hours, on the hour, and continuing on about my business. But, not this time. Nothing worked. I tried everything I could get a hold of, short of street drugs. So, there I was pinned to the bed, begging God for mercy.

This cold laid me out for seven long days. In those days, the lack of busyness was almost as painful as the thorns in my throat and the throbbing in my chest. All of a sudden, life totally stopped and all I could do was lay there. Just like that.

After days of misery, we finally made it to the Doctor’s office. After our appointment, I took my kids to get some breakfast. Thoroughly enjoying my time with them, albeit sick time, I asked them, “Well, what has been a good thing that has come out of this sickness?” You know, teachable moment and all. Almost in unison, they said, “We got to see you a lot, Mom.” I wanted to cry. I was feeling the same way. Scary thought. I had to get sick as a dog to see my kids. But, I was actually glad to be with them 24/7 instead of 2 or 3/ 7.

 And yet all I could think about was getting well so I could get on with life.

Get on with what life? How stubborn can I be? Can I not see that God is trying to get my attention to slow down and focus on what’s important in life?  I can’t pull my kids out of school and quit working, but are there things I can do to create more meaningful time together? I would hate for a health crisis to force me to restructure my priorities. Oh my stubborn soul, please release me to spend my time and energy with those I love and to stop the rat race.

And so, I did. I laid in front of the TV, kids surrounding me and totally vegged for days. I’m still not 100 percent, but I’m back at work and trying to recover the lost work hours. Now the stress of bill paying sets in. Oh my stubborn soul.

I believe God wants a certain life for us. But I also believe that he’s a gentleman and He won’t force His will upon us. He is willing and waiting for us to look up and say, “Lord, this day I give to you. Not my will, but your will be done.” And when we do, we can be released from the things that pull our attention in the wrong direction.

You don’t have to get the swine flu or cancer to start spending your time and energy in God’s will today. It’s a conscience decision and the Holy Spirit is ready to guide your every way.

I pray today that I (and you) will lay your stubborn soul at His feet and let Him do with your day what He will. Even if it means lying in bed hacking your lungs out, with your child nearby gently stroking your forehead.

The Test

So yesterday my “vows” from my “A Mother is a Mother for Life” post were put to the test. Wouldn’t ya know it. Right when I purpose in my heart to change my ways, God allows situations that test whether I am REALLY willing to change or just giving change mere lip service.

So my son was disobeying and of course, with swiftness, both grandma and great-grandma were right there to reprimand. Immediately, my mama cougar instinct to protect him set in and before I could, oh what was it? Take a deep breath and remember the source or something to that effect, I was on the scene wanting answers (and not from my son). Man! Give me a big fat F for that one! I don’t know, no matter how much I want to honor my mother and grandmother, the mother within kicks in and screams, “Back off buddy- that’s my kid you’re messin with!” Before I knew it, I was questioning what he had done wrong and saying that I felt he was being ganged up on.  

I think maybe this is why God says over and over that he hates pride. This is what pride does. And even though I wasn’t meaning to create conflict or purposely trying to be prideful, I still wasn’t interested in what my mom and grandma had to say. I was upset that they were “picking” on my son and my pride said nothing else mattered.

Once I got the full story, after taking a deep breath and removing my son from the scene, I was able to see that my mom and grandma were right. Aren’t they always? I taught my son many things in that brief moment – none of which I wanted him to learn.

I taught him to undermine their authority.

I taught him that right or wrong, Mom would side with him and could be manipulated.

I taught him that he only has to obey once there’s a consequence at stake.

I taught him that the women figures in his world could be divided.

Man, did I blow it.

Later I tried to explain that he needed to obey his grandma and great-grandma, but reality just taught him the opposite of my words. And reality just taught me that words are just words. I need to put my words into action.

My vows stand. But, man oh man, how much more time I need on my knees if I’m going to succeed.

A Mother is a Mother for Life

In an encouraging email, one of my very good (and wise) friends said this to me, “A Mother is a Mother for Life.” She is so right. I know this in theory, but it’s sometimes easily forgotten in practice. 

Right now, my kids and I live with both my mom and my grandma. There are so many benefits to that; I could go on and on. But, one very big negative is that there are three “Moms” living under the same roof. Take that in for a moment. And not just any three moms. Three strong-headed, strong-willed, my-way-or-the-highway moms. 

This should be a wonderful time of passing wisdom from generation to generation but, it’s actually a perfect formula for conflict. Serious conflict. So I have to question – why would anyone willingly put themselves into this kind of self-destructive, negative and potentially life-threatening situation? Okay, maybe not life-threatening but you get the idea. We all want to run the household and those living in the household according to our own standards and values. And of course, we all think our standards and values are the right ones. We love each other dearly and value each other’s insight, but ultimately, we want to it our way. 

As I talked out one of my particular issues with my mother questioning my parenting abilities, I realized I may be being overly sensitive to the things she says. The things I view as criticisms are really just her way of “mothering” and when my grandmother adds her input, it’s also her way of passing down her 90 years of life experience, hoping to impart wisdom to those she loves. In one simple statement from my friend, I realized my own pride is the real problem here.  Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Ouch. I never considered myself a fool. 

But what I discovered is that I can be confident in my own abilities, my own life lessons, and in God’s leading and equipping and still learn from others. When I become overly sensitive or defensive at my mother or grandmother’s suggestions, it’s really just pride and ego getting in the way of hearing true wisdom. And how blessed I am to even have these two amazing women helping raise my kids. How blessed my kids are to have their grandmother AND great-grandmother active in their lives. And how selfish of me to let pride hinder me from growing as mother. After all, when my four daughters become mothers, I won’t stop being a mom and I hope they will value and even crave my input. A mother really is a mother for life. 

So here are a few things I vow to do to check myself whenever defensiveness or sensitivity tries to steal away my acceptance of wise counsel.

1. Breathe first, React second. I am so quick to come back with a comment when someone tells me what to do or comments on what I am doing. I vow to stop, listen and consider before reacting (even if I have to count to 10).
2. Remember the Source. God says to honor our mother and father. So when I flippantly disregard what they say, I am not honoring them at all and I’m displeasing God.
3.  Put myself in their shoes. I vow to think about how I would want my own daughters to respond to me. Would I want them to make some snide remark back or grunt in disinterest? Not at all. My mom, grandma and others who offer counsel don’t want that either.     

 

 

 

It’s a Soul Thang

The voice on the radio kept shouting, “It’s a soul thing!” He repeated it again and again. SHH! I thought and I almost changed the station, but then he drew me in, shouting, “Don’t you get it? It’s a soul thing!”

And then it hit me. Like as if God was shouting at me through this man. Yes! It’s a soul thing. All the things I cry about here on earth are fleeting. My kids bickering with each other, my insane schedule and the demands I cannot meet, the past due bills, my fading health, my cheating husband or the awful day I sat in court and watched my baby brother get sentenced to nine years in prison. Doesn’t matter.

Okay, I know it’s not that simple. We’re human. We’re fallible. We’re going to let these things get us down because it’s part of our nature. But, as children of God, we’re not bound to our nature. We’re free from it. What does God say? We have His Word to live by, because it is a soul thing. And it is that simple.

All that we do here on earth is for a soul purpose. Well, that’s how God wants it anyway. When I cry, fret, and stress, if I really pay close attention, I can see it’s because I’ve taken my focus off the soul purpose of whatever it is I’m upset about. And if I’m God’s child, there’s always a purpose.

Here’s what He says in Ephesians 1:11 (from The Message):

“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.”

Wow! Really? Do I really believe that? This verse says all I need to know about my life and my purposes here. But somehow each and everyday, I forget this. I need to be reminded on a daily basis. How stubborn my heart can be. How strong my flesh is.

If I think about it …Will I become more reliant on God’s provision if I can’t pay my bills this month? Probably. Will I pray for my kids more if I see them sliding into peer pressure or developing ugly characteristics? Probably. Will I rearrange my schedule when I get diagnosed with cancer? Absolutely. And will all the things that stressed me or motivated me matter when my life is over here on earth? Probably not. Not unless I’ve lived with soul purpose rather than sole purpose.

So, then it is pretty simple. It is a soul thing, just like that preacher said. I just need to lean on God, believe it and live it.

Uninvited and Not Welcome

I’m ruled and reined in everyday happenstance by a little nemesis named Chaos. 

This day the little beast stopped by unannounced and uninvited. 

As I was leaving the house, late for church, the dog bulleted out the front door headed straight out of the cul-de-sac. In my Sunday dress and heels, I took off after him. A friendly neighbor I’d never met started “helping” me try to catch him,  following closely behind, telling me her life story. Literally. Trying to be polite, I kept nodding my head and smiling, still running, lunging around trees and cars trying to block the dog at each turn (kinda like a linebacker trying to stop the quarterback).  Not to be rude, but my mother’s pure bred Klee Kai is about to get run over and it’s my kids’ fault for leaving the door open. You’re sweet, but I gotta focus. 

When I finally caught him, threw him back in the house, and panting (cause I hadn’t run like that in a while) got back into my minivan, the battery was dead. Great. More fun. Now I had to find a someone to give me a jump. Is anyone else’s life this adventurous? Ummm …insane, I mean. I wish I could say I happily invite patience-building opportunities like these and saw this as a new challenge waiting to be conquered.  But, I don’t and I didn’t. I despair, get frustrated, and lash out at those I love.

 I could see the looks on my kids’ faces waiting patiently in the car as I tracked down the dog. They all looked inquisitively, “Is she gonna blow?”  I was fuming inside. I was already 20 minutes late to church and had just spent the morning convincing my strong-willed 3-year-old that white sandals match her dress better than black tennis. Pick your battles, right?

 But then I saw their faces. Innocently wondering if mama was gonna scream, cuss or silently fume the whole way to church. I am the example. What a weight to carry. I cannot carry it alone. Alone, I’m nothing but a burnt out, overwhelmed, exhausted volcano ready to explode. In that moment, the Lord gently reminded me that he will equip me. His calling is an awesome one. He has entrusted me with the lives of five amazing people.  When things are the craziest, when chaos and mayhem try to take over, I don’t have to open the door to that uninvited guest.  I can look to my Rock, my Strong Tower for peace. 

So, here are a few things I’ve tried to do to stifle my little (well most times,humongous) foe, Chaos. For the most part, when I focus on Him and not on the enemy, these really do work (even when I’m running late, the dog gets out, the car won’t start and my son kicks his sister in the head from the backseat).  But when I lose the right  focus, I also lose my cool. And in those times, I cannot show my children God’s power to calm the storm. 

 Pray, Pray, Pray

God is interested in even the smallest details of our lives, like a parking spot or catching the dog. In these moments we’re not ministering to the masses, but as is any loving father, He’s still interested in how we feel during those times, so pray. Call on his peace in those moments of mayhem.

 Put it into Perspective

When you get stressed about something, look at the issue from a different perspective. In the whole scope of life, how big is it? Does it have eternal consequences or is it more of a nuisance? With our fast-paced lifestyles, sometimes the lines are blurred. If I look at another commitment and decide the toll it will take on my peace, energy or time, I can make better choices about my time. Also, if God doesn’t want me spending my energy that way, things seem to get crazier than they should be.

 Craziness will always be a part of life, especially for busy moms. But, when we pray and seek God’s viewpoint, the fruit is peace and the ability to let God’s hand, not Chaos, reign.